A day in my shoes ...

There's a big black jeep on my back. Tailgating me hard. You have no idea how many bad drivers I run into in a day. A greater part of my time is spent driving around from site to site solving people's problems. All-the-meanwhile, I swirve and swirl trying to avoid your little granny who can hardly see over the wheel and testosterone Bill who thinks passing that extra car makes his penis a little larger.

There's a big black jeep on my back. Tailgating me even harder. He presses but I don't respond. I look back now, wanting to get a good look at my adversary. He's old but still lively. He has a long white beard and is very neatly groomed. His hat is red, lined in white and has a matching coat too.

I can't help but laugh aloud. And it doesn't go unnoticed. He backs off ... he knows the battle is lost too.

I take long showers

While in the shower the other day,
early in the morning,
while all else were asleep,
I thought to myself

Dreams are for those who wake up to achieve them ...

In retrospect, the same probably applies to those who don't spend so much time in the shower.

The Square of Life

How things have changed

A series of seemingly inconsequential microscopic change culminating into the seemingly providential macroscopic order we call "life". If things are not changing, then things are not living.

It has been over two months since I last consistently blogged and already much has changed. 'The Reluctant New Yorker' is now gone. 'Manager Mom' is by invite only ( ... needless to say, I wasn't invited). At first I was rather upset but now I realize it's just life. Change.

Inspiration

Inspiration is all around us. It can be the air you breath, the breath you take or the people who take your breath away. It is as vast as your imagination and as narrow as your inhibition. It speaks to you as it speaks to everyone and yet no two messages are alike.

What is your inspiration?

I hate karaoke!

Listening to your own voice is always an odd out-of-body experience. I should also add that I mean that in a literal sense and not the figurative. You know, like recording your own voice and playing it back to yourself. Admitedly fun as a child but kinda creepy as an adult. After such a long blog gap, this is sorta how I feel ... on the outside looking in.

Life really is a series of ups and downs. Not too long ago, I felt very alone in a very uphill battle. In exactly one hour, I'm going in to negotiate a contract for a very prestegious engineering sales&marketing position. 24 hours ago, I signed a lease for a beautiful condo in the heart of downtown Mississauga. And in 48 hours time, I'll be married to a beautiful woman whom I love dearly.

Two months ago, I was not the person I am today. Nor will I be the same tomorrow. Keep your head up people. It may be bad today but good tomorrow. The opposite is also true.

Mini-update (fact list)

1. I've spent more time preparing for the wedding than I've been looking for a job.
2. Queen's University will take your money anyway they can.
3. Hamilton drivers are very aggressive.
4. Hamburgers have way more calories than most people realize.
5. I eat way too much pasta.
6. Time is money and many people will willingly take both.
7. I miss my blogger friends :(

Yours,
Neutron

Kick Ass Blogger!

Cormac just gave me a 'Kick Ass Blogger' award. Way cool ... thanks Cormac.

And far away ...

Hi everyone!!!

Sorry for neglecting you guys. No posts, no comments, ... nothin. I've actually moved back to T.O. (the greater area anyway) and am looking for jobs. My access to internet is limited to cafes and the public library.

As soon as things settle, I will return ... and so will the regular-not-so-interesting posts :)

Ciao!!

(Photo: courtesy of Jupiter Images)

Because I'm a nerd like that

I have used just about every pen available on the market: ball point, fountain, gel, ... and even feather.

World's best pen: The Pilot G-TEC-C4

(Photo: courtesy of pigpogm)

A new kind of tag!!

So I know this stuff probably happens all the time but I hate it. And she's awesome and a way better writer than me. Check out Veronica's blog. She rocks! And losers who leave mean anonymous comments are ... well ... losers.

Instead of making up random questions and having people circulate them, this tag requires you to visit Veronica's site and leave her a nice comment. Tag a few of your own.

I tag:

Queenie

Cormac

Manager mom

Paul Pincus

Robin

Christy

If anyone else would like to join, feel free. Also note, this is one of the best posts I've ever read.

Smells like tuna

Is this fishy or is it just me??

(Image: courtesy of candlerblue)

Questions for your answers

Often times I write these blogs without fully comprehending why it is I'm doing it. Is it a form of self-gratification? Perhaps. I write something, sometimes people respond and that feels good. Or maybe I'm a sheep, with dillusions of a sheppard and write with hopes of helping. Possible. Fun, that's another possibility. Blogging can be fun as is the meeting and greeting and sharing of ideas.

All very possible. But at 1 am, things have a way of looking different and somehow questions seem to answer themselves. I know I must be up at five ... four hours of sleep left ... potentially. That is, if I stop right now, press cancel, close my laptop, shut my eyes, forget about the world, forget about you ... and sleep.

Oh perceptive reader,

Read closely.

For often time

there is a message

between the line.

I am you

with a thousand pains

and not a single lie.

Deception is disease.

Deceive oneself.

Kill oneself.

It says only what you ask of it.

Do we then call it liar?

Nay, you feast upon it and vitiate it

And ask you then

Where is the light?

Louie's Loose Tooth - After thoughts

I was initially intending to narrate a quick childhood story about the tooth fairy in my household but instead ended up with the post below. Quite honestly, I have no idea how or why that happened ... it just sort of did. Now if I only had someone to draw me up some illustrations ...

Anyway, we never really believed in the tooth fairy when we were kids. Instead, my mom would say if you threw the tooth high enough, the sun would reach down and catch it. She would throw it so high and far and we would watch in amazement and swear that we could see the sun move a little.

One day Louie actually found one of those astronomical teeth on our yard and mom had some serious explaining to do. She suggested that perhaps she wasn't strong enough anymore and that my oldest brother, Huey, would have to take her place. Huey took this task very seriously and would throw it with all his might. We never did find another tooth.

xoxox, love u mom!

Louie's Loose Tooth

I've noticed a few people have been blogging about teeth and fairies lately (eve, mm) so I thought I'd share a little story of my own.

I have three older brothers:

Huey

Dewey

and Louie.

Louie lost a tooth
cause Louie ate an apple.
Then came Mother Goose
and the two began to grapple.

"Leave me my tooth!" lisped Louie.
"Leave me your tooth!" gasped Goose.

"Louie, give me your tooth or the moose on the loose will come here to roost" said Goose.
"A moose on the loose against four ducks and a goose?" gulped Louie.

Louie looked to his tooth
and then to the apple.
"The tooth goes to Goose
but I keep the Apple."

Goose took the tooth and aimed for the roof.
"Louie,
Dewey,
Huey.
Watch Momma Goose throw beyond the roof

and into the sun where it will be more fun."

Confidence

So this is the last part of the 'To be, or not to be ...' series: foreword, contemplation, contentment and now confidence. Long overdue, I know, so I'll try and make it short and sweet.

We must first embrace truth and the notion that what we have and/or believe may not be it. Next we contemplate, about everything, and namely about ourselves: who we are and our relationship to our surroundings. Contemplation is about uncovering lies ... the lies that each and everyone of us tell ourselves everyday. Uncovering lies reveals truths. Once we come to terms with the truth, reality is much easier to accept (contentment). Finally, when a person is content, win or lose, you are ready ... for anything and everything. Your losses are as worthy as your wins because you give it your all and who can ask more than what you have to give? Fearless. Confidence.

Blog Help!!!

So I was just doing my daily rounds and for some reason when I click on any link in the 'Blog - My Favs' list, I get weird jumbled up jazz.

What's the deal? Can anyone help? I hate blogger.

(Courtesy of Red Hot Cuppa Politics)

V-formation!!

True story. It's Friday August 1st (long weekend) and I'm driving down the 403, west end Toronto. Traffic is tight and patience is thin. I'm in a real hurry you see ... I gots to see my baby. It's been 13 days, 19 hours, 37 minutes and 44, 45, 46 ... seconds since I last saw her. I hate long distance relationships.

There's some fool with a sharp haircut and dark sunglasses driving a white Chevy Impala and no hubcaps. Everyone mistakens him for a cop and traffic is even slower. In a desperate move, I switch lanes hoping to somehow get around him. No dice. Ten minutes go by and suddenly, I'm pulling ahead. Way ahead. I look behind me and the Impala is goosing it. Literally. There's a lone goose flying at eye level, leading the pack of cars including the Impala. The goose is working it, people are honking at it and I'm passing them all by.

Thanks goose. Best to stick with the skies.

The Pieces

In response to my previous post, Lou asked a very obvious and long over-due (on my part) question:

"For the great unwashed and uninformed, just what is your Masters going to be in?"

This came as a real surprise because I can't figure out how I managed to overlook this detail. Anyway ... (drum roll please) ...

I can fix one of these ...

I wear one of these ...

I own one of these ..And these ...

But would never get one of these ...

Who am I?? A mechanical engineer!!! And don't worry, contrary to popular belief, nerdiness is not THAT contagious.

Tell your children ...

4 years undergraduate studies
+ 1 year internship
+ 2 years master's studies

____________________________

= A lot of catching up to do


In four weeks time it'll all be over and I can hardly wait. Was it all worth it? Hard to say ... but what I can say for sure is that there must have been a better way. The title of this post was inspired by The Animals song, "House of the Rising Sun". Kinda depressing, I know, so here's a little 'pick-me-up' video (click on pic) I like to watch from time to time. Should do the trick ... sorta, kinda, maybe ...

I eat no name cereal for breakfast!

Eve, you're the best ... so this is my first tag and I must admit, I wasn't entirely sure what it meant (I know, what a newb). So apparently this "meme" has no name but I've noticed that most people have somehow subtly incorporated that into the title and hence, I have done the same.

What is your favorite quotable line from a Movie?

"I came here to chew bubble gum and kick ass... and I'm all out of bubble gum" from They Live. Terrible movie but an awesome line. Oh, and Hot Rod Rowdy Roddy Piper (or just Rowdy Piper) stars in the movie. Back in the day this was way up there with No Holds Barred. Four boy household ... we lived on this stuff.

Who is the most famous person you have spoken to?

Michael Ignatieff. Don't judge me :(

How many bags/boxes of Potato Chips are consumed at your place in a month?

Chips aren't my thing. I do however do the occasional lindt chocolate.

Who is your all time favorite Cartoon Character?

Donald Duck. Hands down.

What foreign food dish do you prepare from scratch and serve?

I make a mean hummus.

What is your favorite section of the Supermarket?

Cheese cheese cheese! Totally a cheese fiend. I do it all except blue.

What was your high school teams mascot and what were the school's colors?

We had a bengal, you know, like the tiger. I think the colours were red and white.


1. Answer the above questions in a blog posting.

2. Identify the people who you are going to tag, and

3. Acknowledge who tagged you.

7aki Fadi

Queenie (I know you're on vacation, whenever and if ever you get around to it)

Lou

Sandy

Chika

Thanks Eve, very fun!

I laugh at all things Chuck Norris - Day 7

So this wraps up this month's neutron7. Couldn't think of a better way than with a little Conan O'Brien.

I laugh at all things Chuck Norris - Day 6

When you thought it couldn't possibly get any worse ... (click on pic)

I laugh at all things Chuck Norris - Day 5

Okay, I admit, this next video is very random and kinda quirky but I think it's absolutely hilarious! Is it just me??

Help Wanted!

Mangoes ... they're sweet, succulent and savoury ... but does anyone know how to eat them?? Seriously, it looks like I've been in a wild orgy everytime I eat one.

Please help. Your neutron.

I laugh at all things Chuck Norris - Day 4

That's right, Chuck's very own cartoon series! (click on pic)

I laugh at all things Chuck Norris - Day 3

Found this pic and thought it was actually pretty cool. As for the vid (click on pic), all I'm going to say is ... holy chest hair grab?!

Thought I'd hit you with a little midnight cute!

(Courtesy of Zuza Fun)

I laugh at all things Chuck Norris - Day 2

Here's a few Chuck Norris facts floating around on the web:

1. There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris' computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

2. Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

3. Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.

4. Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

Oooooh, that hurts! Complements of chucknorrisfacts.com

I just love that last one!

I laugh at all things Chuck Norris - Day 1

It looks like the serious talk is going to have to wait for a while ... I almost forgot about this month's neutron7. Hope you enjoy!

Contentment

In the previous post in this series, I wrote about contemplation. Assuming that we are or have begun being honest with ourselves, contentment follows rather naturally ... once the initial shock is over. Looking at yourself for the first time, for what you really are, is always the hardest.

But once this barrier is crossed, you can assess yourself honestly ... evaluate strengths, weaknesses, ... and set reasonable goals and objectives. I personally tend to attack weaknesses rather than improve strengths. That's just my approach but do whatever works for you.

Once you've come to terms with who you are and what you're capable of, life is easier to embrace. Do your best and that's all that matters. The results are simply consequential.

Contentment. Who can ask more of you than what you can give?

A word of warning: there will be tests and you will be tested, dearly. It's very easy to accept things as they are when you're on top and all is well with the world. It's when you're at your lowest and have nowhere else to turn ... that is when your true character is made manifest.

Contemplation

How does one define contemplation (or rather the importance thereof) without stating the completely obvious? It is our ability to think, ponder, decide and resolve which separates us from other beings. It is our intellect and ability to contemplate which makes us masters of this world ... and of one another. But you all already knew that.

Contemplation ... my objective is not to define it but rather pose a series of questions. In theory, everyone is well aware of its importance but practice dictates otherwise. A very simple illustration of this is people and religion.

"The essence of any religion lies solely in the answer to the question: why do I exist and what is my relationship to the infinite universes that surrounds me?"
- Leo Tolstoy

By extension, this is the essence of not just religion but of each and every individual. Why do I exist and what is my relationship to my surroundings? Whether or not you consciously made this decision is irrelevant. Your judgement or lack thereof dictates all: beliefs, morals, conduct, ...

We are generally very quick to judge and categorize others but why is it such a struggle to do the same for ourselves? Terrorist, traditionalist, taoist ... but what about you? What are your beliefs? What defines you? And most importantly, how did you arrive at it?

Without proper contemplation, of the important things, how can we ever begin to understand ourselves let alone one another? Many people wish to hide from these questions, perhaps afraid of the fallout, but don't be ... think ... decide ... or someone else will for you.

I will conclude with a very interesting concept which I hope will motivate each and every one of you: life on Earth has no middle ground. Your decisions are decisions, your indecisions are decisions and your ignorance is one too. I'll illustrate. Clearly decisions are decisions, no explanation needed. But interestingly enough, choosing not to decide is also a decision. Example, two nations are at war. Both ask for your help and you choose neither. Although you are trying to remain bipartisan, your lack of action actually helps the stronger and in essence, you have decided to aid the stronger by not aiding the weaker. Ignornace falls directly into this category. Are you still doubtful? I challenge anyone and everyone, right and here and now, name me one thing that remains as it is. You train hard in the gym, what happens when you stop? Do you maintain? No, either you're gaining or losing. Apply this logic to anything (intelligence, wealth, happiness, ...). The middle does not exist ... so choose carefully, contemplate.

To be, or not to be ...

Most people I know hate their jobs. It's kind of like life's axiom, thou shalt hate your job! But I guess it doesn't apply to everyone, just most of us.

It doesn't apply to everyone, just most of us ...

Why?

That is the Question. Why is it that some love their jobs while others loath them? Why do some feel there simply aren't enough hours while others can't bear to count them? Why do so many struggle to find themselves while others were seemingly born knowing? Why?

Contemplation, contentment and confidence. Over the next week or so, I will offer my humble commentary on the subject and hope that each of you may find some truth therein.

Truth. The Foreword.

Let us first lay the foundation, truth. In essence, the afore mentioned are only a subset of truth.

Truth is like matter. Academically speaking, matter cannot be created nor destroyed and nothing can occupy the space of already existing matter. Matter was here before us and everything we see is just some rearrangement or restructuring of it. Truth is very much the same. Let us look more carefully.

1. It can neither be created nor destroyed. Truth is truth and it stands independent. Unlike most other things on Earth, it is not a relative measure, although we often assume it to be for our own ease of application. Truth is still truth whether or not we believe it, know it or are even aware of it. If a person stole $5, regardless of whether we believe it, know it or are aware of it, it is the truth, he stole $5.

2. No two truths can occupy the same space. This concept is of paramount importance. We can only hold one truth of any one concept at any one time. For example, it is not possible to believe both that aliens exist and do not exist at the same time. Either you believe they do or they don't. Or you're undecided. But not both. This is of outmost importance because if we have some preconditioned beliefs or ideas and are unwiling to critically analyze them, this may actually block out the truth and limit our growth and understanding.

3. Everything we see is just some rearrangment or restructuing of the truth. There are laws in life whether we accept them or not. There are laws of physics, thermodynamics, gravity, spirituality, etc. These are laws of life (on Earth) and are truths. If you choose to ignore or outright reject them, then you are simply distorting the truth. If you choose to accept and learn about them, then you are simply embracing the truth. Although polar in practice, they are equal in concept, both are the rearrangments and restructuring of truth.

Cats, pandas and all things cute.

The embodiment of cute (click on pic). It doesn't get any better than this ...

Peculiar day.

I sleep late and wake up early. Work is piling on and I feel the crunch. I sleep again and wake up earlier this time. The cycle perpetuates and feeds itself. Like an angry beast it wants more and more and grows bigger and uglier. It becomes a glutton and eventually out grows itself and can no longer support its own weight. The system fails.

People, I'm experiencing system failure.

The weird thing is, I don't actually stop working during my system failures, things just slow down. Waaaay down. Take for example this computer model I'm making. Under normal conditions, I could make it in three hours ... I'm currently on 28.

Oddly enough, it's when I'm at my lowest that the most awkward things come about. I walk into my office and notice a bee on the ground. A bee so magnificent and beautiful, with wings so large that even a bird would be jealous. I carefully examine the bee, wondering why such a strong and glorious thing was on the floor. I kneel down before it and no reaction. I carefully brush it with my hand ... and it moves, but ever so slightly. Maybe it's wings are damaged? Nope, they're perfect. Maybe an appendage had been crushed? Nope, not that. Hmm ... I suspect foul play. It's probably poison. What to do with a poisoned bee? I probably should mention that I've wanted a pet bee for quite a long time. I know, kinda weird, but we'll save that for another post. Anyway, maybe I can take him home and nurture him back to good health. Maybe he'll somehow learn to identify me and sort of connect with me. Maybe I'm being childish and there's a half dead bee in front of me that is suffering terribly. All it takes is one swift stomp and royalty is gone forever.

I skip off work half-an-hour early. It's been a long day, system failure remember? I'm really rushing home ... I mean I've had enough and the fact that I'm rushing home, pretending I have something better waiting for me but don't, is besides the point. I'm rushing home and the last light before my house is red. I jay-walk without seconding guessing because that's how we roll. Anyway, two seconds later some mom is cussing me out because I jay-walked in front of her kid as she was trying to teach the child what not to do. Okay, not the best of things on my part, but I was pissed. I could sit here and tell you what right does she have and blah blah blah. But I won't, I'll just do what I did with her.

I just walked away.

(Courtesy of: www.shout.ru)

Welcome to my world!

Two months left before my defence (hopefully). Came across this comic ... speaks wonders to me.

5AM Poetry - The Travelers Conundrum

I'm East of West
Yet West of East.

Neither here nor there.

I'm South of North
Yet North of South.

Nor there or there.

East calls me West
While West calls me East.

Per chance there and there.

And South calls me North
While North calls me South.

If not here then where?

Which book are you?

I've been meaning to make this post for some time now but never got around to it. Staying true with 7aki's chain of narration, I stole it from here who stole here who stole it from here.

Anyway, which book are you? Take the quiz!

Here are my results ...

You're The Catcher in the Rye!
by J.D. Salinger

You are surrounded by phonies, and boy are you sick of them! In an ongoing struggle to search for a land without phonies, you end up running away from everything, from school to consequences. In this process, you reveal that many people in your life have suffered torments and all you really want to do is catch them as they fall. Perhaps using a baseball mitt. Your biggest fans are infamous psychotics.

Incidently, I own this book --in fact, this same exact copy! Kinda creepy. Definitely one of my favourite books and in a lot of ways, I do share Holden's sentiments about people. With exception to having a pyschopathic following (ahem ... I hope), I think it's bang on ... at least during a few stages in my life.

People being people.

Sometimes you meet mean people and wonder, what's their problem.

Other times you meet normal people and think, they're nice.

And then you meet exceptional people and it strikes you, aren't they special?!

Exceptional doesn't even have to be good, it's just special. For example, a person can be an exceptionally bad cook. So bad that they're special and you never forget them. Another example, take this guy that I know, he's nice, considerate but over analyzes everything. Kinda hippyish in behaviour, going around calling things deep that aren't really deep. Thing is, he does this in a very special way, like saying something is deep and since he said it, by correlation he must also be deep.

Get off it man. You're special but not in a way that would make most proud. And now I'm going to remember you forever ... do our brains have a delete button?

Things I wouldn't do for a million dollars (#3)

... wear a 'kick me' sign at a karate convention.

Happy Canada Day!

I've compiled a few random quotes about Canada I found over the web ... the good the bad and the ugly. Hope you all enjoy and happy Canada Day everyone!

As we enter our centenial year we are still a young nation, very much in the formative stages. Our national condition is still flexible enough that we can make almost anything we wish of our nation. No other country is in a better position than Canada to go ahead with the evolution of a national purpose devoted to all that is good and noble and exellent in the human spirit.

- Lester B. Pearson

We Canadians live in a blind spot about our identity. We have very strong feelings about who we aren't but only weak ones about who we are. We're passionate about what we don't want to become but oddly passive about what we should be.

- John Cruickshank

I don't even know what street Canada is on.

- Al Capone

Moving.

I've been living on my own for the last two years. Five years before that, I left home but always roomed with other people. Tomorrow night I leave this place for another, with friends, but only for a short while.

Living alone has been an amazing experience. Lonely at times, but a dream come true for those taken to thought in solitude. A chance to shut out all the voices and lyrics, and rythms and ryhmes ... an opportunity to learn a little something about oneself.

People are generally bad listeners. I think we can all agree. Have you ever wondered why? Look carefully ...

You wake up to the radio.

You sing in the shower.

You listen to music as you drive to work.

or wear headphones while you commute.

You purchase your coffee in the hustle and bustle ...

You chat, answer calls, discuss plans, goals, returns ...

all throughout the day.

Only to again drive home with the same music

and mix it up with a little t.v.

or even more music while you workout.

And sometimes, when the mood is right,

and the music is playing
and he whispers sweet nothings into your ear,

you make love.

How do you expect people to listen to you when they can't even hear themselves?

To bring it all back together ... my time alone has been great but I'm happy to see it goodbye. It's time to move on but the learnings I shall take with me. And when I get married this October, maybe my wife and I will still find time to sit in silence. Maybe even together ... maybe words will be too little and in the silence, then and maybe then, we will have the opportunity to really hear one another.

Nostalgia - Day 7

Hi everyone! So today is the last day of this month's neutron7. Hope you've enjoyed it as much as I have.

For the last video, I've chosen something a little bit different and not directly related. Possibly the funniest man alive, Dave Chappelle, shares his thoughts on childhood television.

5AM Poetry - can't promise it'll be good.

Blue smoke and silent winds.
Clouded sight and early morning.

Whomever believes We need eyes to see,
Never ceases To astonish me.

Fixed ranks and distinct rythms.
Shattered dreams and wasted mourning.

Nostalgia - Day 6

Cookie monster versus the librarian ... can you guess who wins?

Nostalgia - Day 5

So I have a little Stevie Wonder for you all today and it's great! Honestly, I don't think they make televisions shows like this one anymore ... totally on the fly, just goin' with the flow ya'know. I love it!

Nostalgia - Day 4

This wouldn't be a real Sesame Street tribute without showing a guest star or two. Deniro, this is a keeper.

Nostalgia - Day 3

Guy Smiley is most awesome and his awesomeness excels all known boundaries of gameshow host awesomeness. Count is in this one too so you can't go wrong!

P.S. Sorry for the crappy pic. His are a little harder to come by.

Nostalgia - Day 2

Another really cute episode.

Nostalgia - Day 1

For this month's neutron7, I've decided to go for Sesame Street. Sesame Street?! I know, I know, sounds kinda childish but trust me, this stuff is awesome. Oh, and I'm a sucker for nostalgia.

For those new around here, at the end of every month, I post a daily clip pertaining to a certain theme which I enjoy. It's usually pretty random and mostly retro.

This particular clip is quite dear to my heart. As a child, this was by far my most favourite episode. Enjoy!

Sometimes good friends give bad advice.

Their intentions, pure, and their words, sweet … but their understanding, marginal. This is only compounded by our inherent nature to sense “safe” and “secure” company. We seek it, confide in it and tell them our deepest and darkest secrets. We willfully spill our souls to them … because we trust them and know them to be true.

Fortunate. The meaning of the word most will never come to know.

Sometimes we truly are fortunate and our investment is returned. Multiplied. Seemingly infinitesimally. And you’re left with one lingering blissful thought, what would you have done without them? If you meet one such person in your life, consider yourself lucky.

As for the rest of us, we are surrounded by our Dr. Phil’s and Oprah’s and consider ourselves cultured, “in touch”. Others plant trees or serve soup. Some are looking for answers while others don't even realize there are questions to be asked. We make trivial discoveries about ourselves, which are usually misconstrued at best, and take them to be ultimate truisms. We feel the need to share them, with everybody, anyone and everyone. And when the friend in need is knocking, who is it that is actually doing the knocking? Are we fulfilling our need or theirs?

Desert rose.

10 pm, Sunday night. It has been a long ride home. Four hours to be exact and I’m feeling pretty anxious. I’m the last person to get off the train because I was the last person to get on. The buses don’t run on Sunday nights so I line up at the cab stand. There are about 50 people ahead of me and at this rate, it’ll take me at least another hour before I get home.

I look up at the stars looking down on me. The couple behind me does the same and quickly loses interest --they don’t see what I see. Reflections. Our sun in only one of many stars and the moonlight is only a reflection of our sun. When I look up at night, my face is the moon and the stars are my sun. I am the reflection of a thousand little stars, light years away. No --they don’t see what I see. How many of them reflect?

I step out of line and make my way to the front. The people I pass believe me to be a cheat and a liar. But I am neither.

Are any of you heading to campus?

At first they look at me in surprise.

We can all save time and money if we carpool.
“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”
“I’m in.”
“Me too.”
Great, that make four of us.
“Let’s grab that next cab coming this way.”

We all poise ourselves in anticipation, as if ready to pounce on our prey. We are the first to react and no one questions our authority. Not even the girl one spot ahead of us.

Oh my god, I’m sorry. We just totally cutted in front of you.

She’s shy and meek. “Oh, that’s okay. I’ll catch the next one.”

By this time everyone else had already loaded their things and taken their seats. The die was cast.

Once again, I’m terribly sorry. We didn’t notice.
“Hey that’s alright, no one does.”

She didn’t say that last part but I felt it. As we drove off, my heart sunk to my stomach. Stupid stupid stupid … I am sooo sorry. I wish I could give you a thousand sorry’s … and I know that would never be enough.

t-shirt giveaway.

So the results are in ... and the winner is (drum roll) ... coffeenista! Yahooo!!!

The summary:

There were only two real submissions and seven votes. It appears that this contest was a little too much work for both, writer and reader. Honestly, it sounded fun in concept but apparently not so hot in practice. The good news ... contests will be a lot easier from here on in.

coffeenista, eve ... you guys are totally awesome and thanks for participating in my not so fun contest. tees for the both of you!

Midnight madness.

It’s 10:30 am and I just woke up. You’re probably thinking it’s Friday and that either I should be at work (but slept in) or I’m a dead beat. Well, neither is correct … remember what I said about assumptions? I actually spent the whole night working and finally went to sleep a little after 6 am. So that makes less than 4.5 hours of sleep. You’re probably wondering why I’m going into such great detail about time, but it’s more for me than you –-just making sure I can still add. After I finished my undergrad, I promised myself that I’d never pull another all-nighter again (with exception only for hot steamy sex --of course). I wish I could say last night was all candle lights and champagne but instead, it was a little more like revenge of the nerds.

Times like these really make me wonder. Why am I doing this? Is it really worth it? Did my computer just wink at me?? Well, if the last one is of serious concern, then that pretty much answers it for you. In all honesty, it’s hard to say. And does it really matter? I mean we plan and plan, but does any of that truly make a difference? Look, I’m not suggesting we giveup and stop trying, but what I am suggesting is we’re little --all of us … each and every one. How many of you can honestly say you are where you thought you’d be? For better or worse, that’s another question, but I’m sure, all of us, with all our plans and dreams, things never worked out quite the way we thought they would. Even if you achieved a goal (big or small), I’m sure it came about an avenue you never even knew existed.

So what does it all mean? Do your best, work hard and plan knowing that your plans will never work out quite the way you made them. By extension, do your best, work hard and plan knowing that the reward is not truly yours. Welcome to the abyss.

“When you look into an abyss, the abyss also looks into you.” – Nietzsche.

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(Photo, courtesy of IMA Motorsport Inc.)

Fun with the sun.

I wonder what farmers think of the farmer’s tan. Are they as conscious about it as the rest of us? On the other hand, what if it’s a status symbol in the farming community? A token of how hard a worker the person is. I somehow see big barrel chested men walking around with their sleeves rolled up --just high enough for the ladies to take a peak. “OOoooooowww, did you see his tan?? It makes a transition as sharp as a knife … he MUST be good in bed”.

What about in other countries, south of here? I suppose they don’t even get tans (or at least not very obvious ones). I suppose a farmer’s tan would be novel in those regions as well. Mainly because it would be such a rare thing. For better or worse, the fact remains, we often see things through a distorted lens when it's considered rare. I see a slightly self-conscious guy walking home after a long day in the fields. All the other men chuckle and wonder why his skin looks something like Neapolitan ice-cream while all the women think to themselves, “mmm … Neapolitan ice-cream”.

So, I’m a city guy and have a huge farmer’s tan at the moment … and proud of it. You may not like it --but people all over the world do. As for my fiancée, for some reason she insisted I wear a t-shirt to bed after installing some new ultra high powered light bulbs. Beats me (?) …